R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - what does it mean to you?

Recently we have been reflecting on what it really takes to do the work of overcoming racism and systemic harms. Propelled by the murder of George Floyd and the impact of the pandemic, in our workplaces and communities there is a welcome desire for things to be different. But as always, with opportunity to change comes responsibility to reflect - to ensure that what is done is meaningful and not more of the same in disguise. Navigating this challenge is complex and it can seem that some of the noise within this much appreciated chorus for change is an outward broadcast, rather than a contemplation inwards. A statement of ‘safe space’ without reflection on what makes it so. An example of communicating as performance rather than communicating for connection.

At Understanding People Project, we are exploring some of the key values and principles that address these pitfalls and are helpful in aiding the journey towards dismantling discrimination. Starting with respect…

R.E.S.P.E.C.T (say it like Aretha would). What does it actually mean to you? It's a word that is often used - especially when reflecting on personal or team values. It is certainly one of the key principles of Restorative Justice practices. It is an accessible word that most people can understand and connect with, often because it is entwined with their individual biographies. Most of us can describe how it, or its absence, feels. In fact, respect is the sixth most common value listed by UK Companies. Arguably the top value – collaboration – is only possible if respectful relationships are present.

But it is also a tricky word that we can take for granted and use without deeper thought. And because we assume that we know what it is, we use it without real consideration, which can lead to a diluted version of respect - one that is polite and tolerant but does not engage with the heart of the matter. As if respect was just a noun and not also a verb.

And this lack of respect for respect has consequences. The 2022 independent review of leadership in Health and Social Care collected the stories of workers who shared experiences of bullying, harassment, discrimination, and racism within the caring sector. It highlighted the importance of a culture of respect, as well as the challenge to do this in a meaningful way, especially around the topic of equality, diversity and inclusion (EDI): ‘we found that EDI, which is about respectful relationships and underpins a wider culture of respect, is partial, inconsistent and elective. In some places it is tokenistic’.

UP Project strives to work in a way that goes beyond insubstantial or tokenistic respect to really see the whole person, in all their complexities and find a way to connect - even and especially when we disagree with them. It's about doing and not just declaring respect – it is both saying ‘ I see you’ while also treating you like you deserve to be here. It is a respect that is more radical.

Deborah Plummer writes inspiringly about radical respect as ‘other-centred. It requires that we act out of our core identity as human beings and relate to others in their core identity as humans. It is core relating to core’. And Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor and a brand new book on radical respect describes it as ‘valuing each person’s feelings, wishes, rights and traditions without requiring them to earn it’.

And why this focus on radical respect when trying to navigate the complexities of inclusion?

Because respect in its real form is…

• accessible, no nonsense and jargon free

• not about assimilation, agreement or domination - we don't have to think the same to respect each other.

• anti-oppressive - it does not require you to be one way

• about acknowledgement- I see you and your story

• a set of instructions on how to be- it's walking your talk, and doing respect- not just saying it

• a crucial ingredient in creating healthy communities, which promotes inclusion and belonging

And once we start to look for this other type of respect, the difference between it and its tokenistic version is stark.

Example	Token respect	Radical respect
Organisational restructure: framed around respect and the desire to listen to workforce.	Invited to meetings to ‘have your say’. Politeness and listening. No change or impact on outcome = an experience that your views not valued.	Consultation with workforce where views that directly or indirectly conflict/differ from the organisations are welcomed. Views actively taken into account when making decisions about going forward= feel valued and respected.
Increased representation and ‘diversity’ on boards, panels, committees.	Broadcasting/ promoting their respect for diversity and search for ‘different voices’. Being invited to the party BUT not really being listened to. No outwardly visible change from inclusion of diverse voices.	Being invited to the party AND having a seat at the table. Being open to challenging conversations where different viewpoints are welcomed, resulting in better understanding of lived experience/different perspectives. In turn, this promotes actual difference in output/work = profound impact on organisation’s work
Restorative justice processes and practices.	Explain respect as a key value and listen to participants. BUT – with no awareness of their unique journey to here No awareness of role of power/power structures = not able to fully manage imbalances within the process. Inadvertent lack of consideration for people’s lived experience and therefore less effective outcomes.	Seeing and listening to the whole person, as well as the context in which they operate. Applying the ‘power lens’ to recognise where power is flowing = more able to manage the imbalances and the impact. High level of skilful communication – active listening and being attentive to show storytellers thoughts and feelings matter.

And recognising and embodying real respect is especially important in dismantling oppressive systems because the act of sharing stories of discrimination, micro aggressions or weathering, is sensitive and powerful. Therefore, it needs to be met with the equally powerful act of really respecting and listening to them – not to fix, offer explanations or minimise – but to hear.

Therefore, if we are working in a way that is radically respectful, we are taking the time and care to fully see someone and begin to understand their story and not just going through the motions. And that feels like we might be getting somewhere.

By supporting teams to be more respectful, we ensure that everyone feels valued and included - and who wouldn't want to be a part of that? So we would invite you to take a look again at this familiar value and how it shows up in your working practices. Turn it over and reflect on whether you are saying and doing respect – and what difference would it make – to your work, your relationships, your organisation - if it was both?

Rachel Quine and Tricia Pereira